The race was over a week ago, and I'm finally ready to sit and write about what happened that morning. Why have I waited so long? To be honest, finding the time to write has not been the issue as much as finding the right mindset to relive it. This race tested me both physically and mentally. I was
definitely humbled- big time. For the record, I signed up for this gig having no clue what the trail consisted of. Plus, according to the weather forecast, Southern California was expecting heavy rains throughout the weekend and I was having doubts about how it would all go down with those weather conditions. Luckily, the day turned out to be one of the most beautiful I'd ever witnessed. Despite that concern, I jumped out of bed that dark Sunday morning and announced to my husband, who was still snoozing, "race day!" I felt good and motivated. I ate a fiber granola bar on the way to Malibu and then text messaged Jessica, who'd stayed overnight at a hotel in the Malibu-area, asking her to smuggle me a banana from the continental breakfast buffet to eat before the race. She text messaged back, " I seriously hope that's not all you're eating." It was.
My sister is convinced that I had a difficult time maintaining a good pace because I didn't eat enough that morning. That may have had something to do with it, of course, but there were several factors and I have not put my finger on one specific thing. It certainly didn't help that about 30 minutes into the race, my left leg, from the knee down, fell asleep. Forty minutes in, my right leg did the same. Why was this happening? I was tired, confused and sad, but there was no way I would let myself turn around. I assumed that my feet might be working against me because I had decided one week earlier to race in different shoes, Asics Onitsuka Tigers. I had never run more that a few miles in those shoes. The only solid reason I have for not wearing my New Balance shoes, was because they gave me a blister the previous Sunday when me and Jessica ran and got lost in El Morro.
"It's the eye of the tiger! It's the thrill of the fight..." I had this song playing over and over in my mind as I struggled to get through the first half of the trail. Almost immediately, I felt tired and couldn't keep up with the girls. I tried to motivate myself with the words to the song, but at times it was hard to hear them in my head over the sound of my heavy breathing. The terrain was steep and narrow and quite frankly the most difficult (physical) thing I've ever done in my life- ever. I tried to coach myself- tough love style. As I was panting and wondering what the hell I'd signed up for, I berated myself (and more than likely scared other runners within earshot) for not being able to pick up my pace. "COME ON JENNIFER! MOVE IT! MOVE IT! HOW IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO DELIVER YOUR CHILD NATURALLY, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT UP THIS STUPID HILL!!?" (I used all caps for effect) No, I am not expecting a baby, but I have plans for a drug-free delivery when the time comes. More on that later- much later.
Eventually, I was coming around to the top. Tayler was already running back down. She looked happy and strong. She told me that it wasn't much further to the turn-around point. She even said to me, God bless her, "I'll wait for you guys at the finish line so we can cross together!" My gosh. What a girl! Still, I didn't want her to sacrifice her hard work. Her words motivated me, but still I was hurting. Perhaps 20 minutes later Jessica was running down toward me- now making her decent. She looked equally stunning. I described to her the issues I was having with my feet and she clearly saw that I was having a hard time. She told me to stop, but I didn't want to- it wasn't an option. My sister actually waited there for me, so we could run together (tear) while I ran the rest of the way to the turn-around point. I made it back to where I left her and she assured me that the downhill would be much easier and go a lot faster. That's what I expected, but that's not what happened. It wasn't long before she put some good distance between us. Jessica really knocked my socks off that day. She worked really hard to prepare for this day and I think it paid off. I know she talked about struggling with the uphill, but she maintained her pace the entire way and finished strong. Not to mention her form. Did you happen to see the picture she posted of her running down the hill? She looked like a pro!!! So proud of my sister! Tayler kicked serious butt! She is in great shape and looked awesome out there! Now back to me... I was looking forward to the downhill half being easier, but as soon as I started my way down I realized that my legs weren't going to allow me to do that. I tried to keep my form and balance, but my feet were still asleep, now tingling and toes totally numb. I couldn't get a good footing on the ground simply because I couldn't feel it. I felt SO awkward. The worst was when I'd try to run faster, but I'd roll my ankle. It was bad, but somehow I managed. The confusion had set in once again, but I recall trying to make the most of it because I'd made it all the way up the mountain and now it was half way over-
more than half way! I decided at some point that I had to keep my head on straight and power on through. Running into other runners, who called out "good job!" and "lookin' great, keep it up!!", helped so much. In fact, writing this now and thinking about it just put a little knot in my throat. Believe it or not strangers can have that affect on you in this type of situation. All of a sudden I realized how close I was getting to the end, but I was super surprised when I spotted Dale, my sister's father-in-law, Tayler and Jessica up ahead. They cheered for me and told me that the finish line was just about 100 yards away. I got choked up, I was so incredibly touched that they had come back after finishing themselves. Before I knew it I saw the rest of our party cheering down below. My husband looked so proud and as soon as I reached the bottom I ran right into his embrace only to be told as soon as I face-planted into him that I had to make it through the actual finish line about 20 feet away- duh! Incredible!! I finished!! Somehow, it was over! AHHHHHHHHH! All of a sudden I felt so proud and truly part of this team- A HUMBLE RUNNER!
One final thing, which is actually a point I want to make. In this post, I listed reasons why I could have struggled less and somehow done better; however, I can't ignore that fact that I finished this race. I have to give myself a break and realize that it gave me hell, but I didn't give in or give up. I've had quite a time since the race convincing myself of this and it's something I'm working on. I'm feeling much better about this now and writing helped me deal with those feelings. It was a form of therapy for me.
Thanks for reading my novel, Jennifer
